Author’s Note: Generally reticent to speak of their past, or anything else The Two Guys aren’t in the mood for, most of this information is drawn from raw hearsay and relies heavily for the rest on the Encyclopedia Wiktannica (as well as several things seen written on walls in one of the old Sierra men’s rooms, some of which can not be safely reproduced here).
It is said they were born sometime in the distant future, having originated from some little freakazoid planet somewhere on the bad side of the wormhole in the boonies of the Andromeda Galaxy. Good luck finding THOSE birth certificates! At some point after venturing away from their home planet and trying to pick up some work by standing outside a Code Depot, they were snatched up and forced in to slave game labor by a low rent, low quality game mill called ScumSoft, owned by a rather unpleasant but incredibly round humanoid by the name of Elmo Pugg. Elmo had a chip on his shoulder but was also driven by the need to be seen as some great game developer by those who would be his peers. It’s an industry in which you occasionally find these people.
While under the “employ” of Mr. Pugg, The Two Guys were forced to be known for such B-game classics as Astro Chicken and its sequel Ms. Astro Chicken. They were trapped at their job but eventually were saved by an odd bloke with the name, Roger Wilco, whose exploits as a massively under-achieving Space Sanitation Engineer were later chronicled by The Two Guys. Roger rescued the two guys through a confusing cluster-hump of circumstances in Space Quest III, The Pirates of Pestulon.
After escaping from ScumSoft and passing through a conveniently located wormhole, and despite having Roger at the helm, they bounced their way through to a Milky Way solar system of 8 planets (or 9, depending on who you talk to) and we’re fortunate enough to land on a rather temperate planet called Earth, and amazingly, conveniently landed in the parking lot of a game company called Sierra, Inc. where they were not necessarily abducted but did get an offer of employment by the founder and president of the company, Ken Williams. Unfortunately, there was no position available for the relatively unenthused mop jockey so Ken dismissed him and immediately began figuring out in which financial quarter of Earth year 1986 the Two Guys could release a game and start bringing in some Sierra cash, or Buckazoids which we’ve learned was the native currency of The Two Guys.
Above: The two guys, here pointing at Half Dome, spending an enjoyable afternoon touring Yosemite Valley and clearly doing a great job of blending in as normal, everyday tourists.(and NOT working on Space Quest 1.)
Meanwhile, Roger took off to points unknown and the Two Guys made history by documenting the alleged exploits of Roger Wilco, Space Plunger professional, something people were inexplicably drawn to. Go figure. No one can prove if the stories of Roger as written by The Two Guys were true or not as Roger was nowhere to be seen after that day, except in the oddly shaped Mohawk supporting heads of The Two Guys and in the fourth game of the series, Roger Wilco and the Time Rippers. Regardless, many units of the games sold. The Two Guys worked unchained and everyone was happy, ate ice cream and pizza and drank beer, even though these were actually their Salad days. (So much for life scheduling.)
From this point, shortly after Space Quest IV, the trail of The Two Guys diverges. They never made another game on Earth together as a team. They both disappeared. With Roger also gone, it’s as if none of them ever really existed, except for the record left behind on magnetic and aluminum discs, documentation and limited interviews of The Two Guys, and it is believed to this day that only they know the whereabouts of the famed urinal cake utilizer. Two more Space Quests were cranked out but neither matched the coolness of the original four nor enjoyed the same success or fan praise.
Now, we see that a Two Guys return is apparently imminent. This reporter will be on the story. What happened? Where have the Two Guys been? What happened, dudes? Do they still have any of their buckazoids.
More two guys tasty goodness to come!